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Decades

by Maiden Names

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1.
a grave without a body well they’ve finally torn down the cornerstone now, ten years after the last feedback howl had flared out and we coiled up our cables soaked in beer under the eyes of the manager who wasn’t pleased with those cymbals on fire. well that was all right. that was a good night. but each time I’d drive by, felt I’d left something inside, a safe behind picture frame, somewhere I’d tucked it away, and it was gone though it stayed, a body without a grave. so there’s an empty lot down by her parents’ house. we said we’d never leave, but we got out. so I guess now I’m the age to know people who’ve died, even if I only hear six weeks later when you sigh and say they burned him up entire before we could arrive. and you were late to the service with your shoes untied. well that was all right. so was I. so there’s an empty house down by my parents’ house. we said we’d never leave, but we got out. and every time I’m back, I get lost in my own hometown. _________________________________________ alex mazzaferro: vocals, guitars, synth chad jewett: bass wil mulhern: drums
2.
sunday best, forward address we bookended our entrance and exit with the stereo blasting the town’s name for emphasis. the first time, we were eager. drove down in our sunday best to sign the lease, pressed shirt and white dress. but now we sing along, that bit about “your old rooftop,” because now it’s old for us. and now we’re moving on. forward address says we’re gone; deposit’s all used up. we packed up the boxes, bed, bicycle, canvas in a white van and left our old keys inside the mailbox. the books felt heavier, soaked with more completed chapters, soft light, and echoed laughter. the court had died but resurrected soon after. _________________________________________ alex mazzaferro: vocals, guitars chad jewett: bass wil mulhern: drums
3.
the funeral ended the third friend to say he dreamed I died in a week— surely that must mean something. my heretic heart, these self civil wars… I carpenter a way to keep it together. whatever the fraction, this isn’t a crisis— to realize you’re dying, however slowly. divide how you’d like to, this isn’t a crisis. the rest of the time is. the rest of the time is. I spent skeptic years testing the mettle of every truth like a suspect coin between my broken teeth. and I make my way back to new england so rarely that I sometimes forget that you are gone. the funeral ended, stumbled toward my old bedroom, closed the door and I slept like a teenager. stayed out all night, and the clocks all said seventeen. but now twenty-seven is breathing down my neck and by the time that you read this will already have taken me. it’s long since now taken me. _________________________________________ alex mazzaferro: vocals, guitars, piano, synth chad jewett: bass wil mulhern: drums
4.
something I read wandering chapel and state street, laughter or shrieks in the distance. it’s my first time back since he passed; it’s the first time it’s more than something I read. and the fact that the path that I’m on has an end had convinced me that a bookmark would stand. but life hasn’t stopped these last three years. I can count my songs on one hand. and I no longer know who I am. my best friends are booked and drunk. tracking piano at three a.m.— maybe I was pushing too hard. then we’d darken the door at the diner, but the waitresses I knew are gone. and the fact that the path that I’m on has an end had convinced me that a dog-ear would stand. but life hasn’t stopped these last three years. I can count our calls on one hand. and I no longer know where I am. my best friends are books and drinks. looked up at the sky at east rock, the pale moon a skull with no bones. I’m sorry to have been such a stranger. “I will henceforth be more myself.” _________________________________________ alex mazzaferro: vocals, guitars, piano, synth, reverse chad jewett: bass wil mulhern: drums
5.
A Problem 05:13
a problem every once in a while I get fed up, word-drunk, and sharp-tongued, and nothing tastes good. and you’ll call my bluff; I’ll storm and sulk on down the block with my shirt untucked, back to where I came from. and I don’t want to be a problem, but playing house is as tough as the real thing. and I don’t want to be a problem, so I’ll only stay a couple days that way. every once in a while I get stuck, unsure where I’m going or came from, or which paragraph’s meant to say what, which I’ve written or yet to write up. well you gave me a haircut when I was overgrown. you helped me keep still when I was spinning like a globe. and when I made a mess of everything, you made me look presentable. and I don’t want to be a problem. god knows that you’ve got too many already. I don’t want to be a problem. debating long days at the drugstore or overnights at the bakery. and in the savage sunlight, when trouble is on the rise, collect your quarters for my rainy days. _________________________________________ alex mazzaferro: vocals, guitars, rhodes, synth, hand claps, tambourine, shaker chad jewett: bass wil mulhern: drums
6.
Wheat Dreams 03:20
wheat dreams the party is over. and everybody’s gone home. and now we’re left with the silence and strangeness of the kitchen in my parents’ house. and the jokes seem less funny. and the drinks were too many. let the mess wait till morning. we’ll sleep in my old bedroom; they call it the guestroom now. used to stay up all night throwing stones at your window. from where I was standing life looked like it hurt you. did it hurt you? I split my old skateboard in two, hung it up on the wall like a prize kill. you’re overdue for an art show and I for a record. hey, are you asleep? (the parties, the paintings, the childish things) these are wheat dreams. none of us left alive knows what to do for a living. there’s blood in the water and still I say nothing about it. and these are the things that I think about before falling asleep. these are the things that I think: a pyramid of skulls, that’s what we call capital. hey, are you asleep? (the parties, the paintings, the childish things) these are wheat dreams. (the albums, all-nighters, the childish things) these are wheat dreams. (are we foolish to think we can harvest these seeds?) these are wheat dreams. _________________________________________ alex mazzaferro: vocals, guitars, synth chad jewett: bass wil mulhern: drums song title inspired by the poetry of michael wolf.
7.
sink the connecticut sometimes I want to sink deep down into the connecticut, hold my breath and let my thoughts wash out, with my jacket and shoes on, slow motion in the dark. but the spell wears off and then I’m back on the bus to work. and at its very worst, the dead mood disappears within a month or two, becomes a ringing in your ears. can you hear it? sometimes I’ll make a list of indistinct dissatisfactions like feeling carsick without movement and how these rivers all flow southward. forget the romance of the new year, fresh starts for starting over. and if you’re feeling like a coward, flip the tape on your recorder. and at its very worst, the panic vanishes within a month or two— a phantom pain you almost miss. can you feel it? _________________________________________ alex mazzaferro: vocals, guitars, rhodes, synth, reverse chad jewett: bass wil mulhern: drums
8.
the camera broke you gave me a camera for my eighteenth birthday and a couple of rolls of film. so I shot our parties and portraits and shows in the basement— a closer look at our friends and our selves. there’s one of you at the stove. there’s one of me and my bicycle, making a record, and on tour. and there’s one from the day we moved away. and there’s one from a trip back. it’s got red barns and horses. and time is always galloping ahead into the copper light with tossing mane and rolling eye. and I have always said I’ll sleep when I’m dead. but that’s a lie. it’s a live man’s bluff; it’s not enough. there are shots of my brothers. mark their heights on a doorframe; note the flag and the crucifix. then there are months lacking traces and the specters of people I haven’t much kept in touch with. we moved into our new home, and like clockwork or some bad joke, I finished the roll and the camera broke. so now we are living in major cities chasing our twenties down. but in the beckon of rooftops I’ll drink the warmth of refraction and find a new way to document. _________________________________________ alex mazzaferro: vocals, guitars, synth chad jewett: bass wil mulhern: drums
9.
young vandals we stole a sign that bore his name. we laughed all the way home. we lit a fire that burned too wild. we laughed all the way home. pissing in public, we broke every window. cherry bombs in the mailbox, hop the fence when the cops show. I burned my hand on the day that we met, and I realized I loved her in the pool with my clothes on. we might have returned that sign one night, but we’ve both moved away and grown older, if not up. and we can now see the privilege to play-act rebellion. our feet beat a headstart we’d never have needed. _________________________________________ alex mazzaferro: vocals, guitars, acoustic, synth, piano, tambourine, noise chad jewett: bass wil mulhern: drums
10.
teenage forever bedroom I wake in a sunlit room. it’s the first time in years we’ve fallen asleep in the dead of the afternoon and accidentally. my first sunday off in forever, I mean really off. our best clothes spent in a pile upon the floor, but we should get up. we used to have the time to note that it was passing. we’re lucky now to measure it in years. and from the moment I saw you, I knew that you knew too. and every day thereafter, felt the earth was spinning faster. I remember you sleeping on my arm, as we wind through the valley in your sedan after a show. tell me about that night. (choose one in particular.) what did we eat and wear and fear and listen to? I know I ask a lot. I’m grateful for your answers. you know my memory’s terrible. by the time we moved away, they’d long since closed the cornerstone, after that one kid was killed. and from the moment I saw you, I knew that you knew too. and every year thereafter, felt the earth was spinning faster. sometimes I think that we’ll awake, breeze in the sheets of my teenage bedroom, april birdsong in the window, achilles heel still on the stereo, and dizzy decades we have seen, well it will all have been a dream. and it will all have been a dream. and it will all have been a dream. sometimes I think that we’ll awake, breeze in the sheets of my teenage bedroom, april birdsong in the window, clarity still on the stereo and dizzy decades we have seen, well it will all have been a dream. and it will all have been a dream. and it will all have been a dream. can you count to ten? _________________________________________ alex mazzaferro: vocals, guitars, rhodes, radio, reverse chad jewett: bass wil mulhern: drums

about

Most albums are a long time coming, but this one was excessive. We wrote Decades in its entirety in 2014, and Wil recorded the drums for all ten tracks in a single day in the fall of that year. But then life got in the way. The delay makes sense given the obstacles we faced: living states apart, working full-time, finishing graduate degrees, playing in other bands. But I’ve also come to see that the delay is fitting. Because this is a record about how life gets in the way. It’s an album about loss: about youth lost to time, about creativity lost to depression or exhaustion, and about relationships lost to career demands, geographic distance, and death. But it’s also a nostalgic celebration and memorialization, backed by a refracted version of the music we grew up playing and listening to. At a moment when community feels unattainable, when our most sacred landmarks (from homes to music venues) are shuttering left and right, and when absence, loss, and distance abound, it feels like maybe six years late is exactly the right time to share a record like this. Stay safe, rest in peace, and long live. -Alex Mazzaferro. Los Angeles. February 2021.

credits

released February 5, 2021

Maiden Names is Alex Mazzaferro (vocals/guitar), Chad Jewett (bass), and Wil Mulhern (drums).

Recorded very sporadically from fall 2014 to fall 2020. Drums engineered by Chris Teti at Silver Bullet Studios (Burlington, CT). Guitars engineered by Dave Van Witt at Azimuth Studio (Brooklyn, NY). Vocals, bass, keys, guitars, etc. engineered by Alex Mazzaferro at home in Springfield, MA; Queens, NY; Philadelphia, PA; Chicago, IL; and Los Angeles, CA.

Mixed by Chris Teti at Silver Bullet Studios.
Mastered by Zach Weeks at God City Studio (Salem, MA).
Produced by Alex Mazzaferro.

Lyrics by Alex Mazzaferro.
Songs by Alex Mazzaferro with Chad Jewett and Wil Mulhern.
Copyright © 2021 Seeds & Soil Music.

Art direction by Alex Mazzaferro with help from Kevin Duquette.
Photography by Dan Sullivan. RIP Mazzalack Mansion.

Thanks to Kelly, Chelsey, Laura, Chris, Dave, Zach, Kevin, Dan, friends and family.

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Maiden Names

alex, chad, wil. east coast, west coast. members of aeroplane, 1929; perennial; la guillotine. emo revival revival. punk is back (again).

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